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Thursday, September 30, 2004

Shout at the Devil, Online Poker is RIGGED!, etc.

All first-time bloggers must have this thing, where you post a lot in the first couple days just because you can clear out all that junk that's been rattling around in your brain. It's like talking to yourself, but better.

Anyhow, Taco Bell's (tm) food appears to bear the mark of the Beast. I just paid $6.66 for lunch. Am definitely going to hell. Given the fact that there's a burrito and nacho cheeze sauce involved, that may happen sooner rather than later. Urgh. One of these days I plan to post something called "My love affair with fast food (why you killin' me, man?)".

Online poker is definitely rigged. Last time I went in with 7-2 suited, I got sucked out on by 6-4o. Hey, they were suited!

Yes, I just made that up. Even I'm not dumb enough to play 72s, at least most of the time. When I can put a guy with a big stack on tilt, maybe. But generally, no.

I'm trying to decide what I want to do this weekend. I really would like to go to Manistee on Saturday for a few hours of 4-8 casino no fold'em holdem, but spending the gas money is seriously -EV. If the Bike weekly freeroll isn't too loaded, maybe I'll stay home and play that instead.

Riddle Me This, Boy Genius

One of the nice things about hating your line of work is that distractions come easy. I've spent hours daydreaming about winning the lottery -- in some instances, I even get work done at the same time, since a fair piece of what I do is repetitious.

There is a downside, however. Sometimes I find my self trying to answer the unanswerable questions of life. Trust me on this one, you shouldn't try.

Here's an example. My head hurt something fierce just thinking about it.

I was watching VH1 this morning while getting ready for work.* They ran a number of ads for an upcoming show, "VH1's Hip Hop Honors".

What exactly confers upon VH1 the right to confer honors on hip hop artists? To the best of my knowledge, they've never played anything more hardcore than "Hey Ya!", which is to hip hop what the Mickey Mouse Club theme song is to rock and roll, not that there's anything wrong with that.

This question of course begat a followup question: If you were an old-school hip hopper, why would you appear on VH1 to accept their "honors"? It's not like VH1 has ever played any of your music, helped you sell albums or whatever.

What's the over/under on the amount of cash money it takes to get these guys to show up to be honored? The early Vegas line is $50,000 per head plus expenses, but it could be more.

I better get back to work before my brain explodes.

* DISCLAIMER: I know jack about hip hop, and really find it hard to believe that I could possibly care less. I have no street cred, no ghetto cred, nothing like that. I can't even speak ebonics, white-boy style. This is all about the irony, not whether the honorees deserve to be honored. I freely admit I have no clue.

Paging Doctor Cardiac Arrest

In case you were not aware...

Sscience has determined that the breakfast food equivalent of crack has hit the market and it seems like nobody even noticed.

What's that, you ask? Why, what else could it be other than McDonald's (tm) Bacon, Egg and Cheese McGriddles sandwich. I've had one for breakfast twice this week. Screw the Honey Nut Cheerios, give me something with grease.

I have yet to find myself in that position, but I bet the darned things taste even better after a night of boozing it up. I may have to investigate.

Purely in the interest of science, of course. Yeah, that's right. Science.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Living in the Poker Wasteland

Pop quiz time. You live in a place where you can't buy booze on Sunday. You can't get a beer or glass of wine on Sunday. Do you really think they'd allow something as degenerate as GAMBLING in this part of the world?

Of course not. You get an 'A', and course credit at Bumfunk State U. toward your Masters in Reality.

As someone who enjoys a little action every now and again, I have to find somewhere to get a poker fix. Unfortunately, since I don't presently play in any home games, that means casino poker, which in turn means lots of long distance travel. Those options are basically as follows: Little River in Manistee (about a 1 1/2 hour drive each way), Trump or Harrah's in Indiana (2 1/2 hours), Soaring Eagle in Mt. Pleasant (gotta be 2 1/2 hours), or Greektown or Motor City in Detroit (3 hours plus with road construction).

Of those options, I've really only ever been to Manistee. And probably just because it's closest. I'm not real sure what else recommends it, other than the fact that most of the people there (staff and players) are pretty friendly. The room itself is tiny -- 5 tables, the action sparse. I went up Friday night before last for a little poker, and there were only three -- 3 -- tables going. Of course that was an improvement from the prior Friday, when it was only two. All tables, every time I've been there have been 4-8 hold 'em. They have lists for stud, omaha, NLHE and higher limit HE, but I've not yet seen a game for any of them.

The primary downside to getting Stee'd is the wait. Oh, the wait. I must time it wrong or something, because it's been two hours the last two times I've been there. Since I don't really play slots or blackjack (at least not a these odds), the wait is pretty dull.

We interrupt this post for a completely random thought. Jim?

Speaking of dull, and as a totally unrelated aside, I'm trying to type this while at the same time playing at a fake money table at PokerStars (signed up too late to get into tonight's freeroll) and also playing a Sit-n-Go at the Bike. I've got windows popping up all over the place and it's driving me nuts. I guess I'm not cut out to be a 6-tabling internet poker whiz kid.

And yes, I'm getting my butt kicked in the Sit-n-Go. Pocket jacks blow.

Out in 2nd. Oh well, at least I'm consistent. It could be that my heads-up play sucks.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled gurgitation, already in progress.

So, anyway, about going to Manistee. The quality of play is all over the map. I've seen some of the worst poker ever -- players going to the river with no pair, no draw, not even a good high card. I've also seen some pretty solid players. Rocks, baby. There's just a lot of variance. When I was there the other night (when they had 3 going), the one I started at was extremely weak-tight, while the adjacent table was CRAZY loose. One guy went from $200 to $800 in about an hour. While that was going on, I managed to lose $80 of my $120 buyin playing stupid. Finally about midnight the table broke and my low card got me a seat at the crazy loose table. I rebought and immediately won a couple of decent size pots. Lots of 3-betting and capping before the flop, but post-flop play was surprisingly passive. Dream table, or close to it (if only they'd been drunk...)

Hand of the night was just laughable. I hadn't played for a couple orbits because of all the preflop raising, except for pocket 4s which missed the flop entirely. My blind comes around and I get J2o. The guy to my left always raises, so just for kicks I cap it before he gets the chance. I'm up at that point and I figure, what the heck. Anyway, I get a 2 on the flop, and it only costs 1 small bet to stay in. I'm playing off a tight image (this is the only completely off the wall play I made all night), so I go for it. Turn is a J, so I have two crappy pair. Obvious flush possibilities on the board (3 clubs), and two other players stay in. For some completely unknown reason, both other players let me have the free card! This was truly a gift, because I spiked the 2 on the river for 2s full. Cracked both flushes, and I'm in clover.

Rest of the night should have been mundane. Had my nut flush cracked in return by a flopped boat, but that's poker. Played a little loose and lost a few bets chasing, but nothing major. I'm still up $60 when we hit last call for the room (they close at 4:00 a.m.). Successful maniac at the other end decides to start raising everything in the dark. Beautiful. Unfortunately, the cards were totally dead, and I lose a few blinds shorthanded. Didn't even take any bad beats -- couldn't get to the river. A serious opportunity gone by the boards.

So, anyway, I finally staggered out of there just about dead even. Given the awful night of cards -- in six hours, I had JJ once, TT once, 77 once, 66 and 44. EVERY one of them lost -- I only made $ on a couple of A-rag suited playes and one KQo.

Gotta love cheap entertainment. And almost as entertaining was the fact that I had a 7:15 a.m. tee time after arriving home at 5:45. Yessir, that round of golf was a trip and a half, but that's another post.

Breaking news. Just won a stupid SnG at the Bike. Only took four tries. I can't wait to see how many (or hopefully few) end up in their $500 weekly freeroll....

Too Much Information Causes Brain Damage

To be updated.

Doing the Blog Thing

Here it is, the first post in what may or may not become a thing of beauty. Or a thing of bestiality. No, not that kind of bestiality.

Still, feel free to keep your mind in the gutter. That'll probably help if you pass the time reading this fetid pool of monkey spit.