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Friday, September 28, 2007

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Contents of This Post Are 100% Artificial

Gotta go do some more work, so this is going to be short.

Poker has been sparse, but signs are pointing to an increase. I did play Kat's dollar donkament on Friday and finished a meh 9th. It was a cheap date, though, since I had almost no rebuys and missed the add on -- oops!

It's been summer-like here - it was 90 degrees when I left work today - so there was more golfing than pokering going on. I have a killer first half of the week at work, too. I'll get back into the game soon.

I'm scrambling a bit trying to get ready for the unexpected trip to Las Vegas in three weeks. There probably won't be much pokering or other gambooling involved, certainly not like there will be in December, but it'll still be fun.

I'm pleased to welcome a new sponsor -- Betwin-Poker. If you're looking for a new poker room, please be sure to check them out as well as the other fine sponsors listed to the right. I don't have any referral codes or anything to push, just be sure you get a deal. And if you're not already playing at the official site of this blog, Full Tilt Poker, well what are you waiting for? There are still plenty of mouth-breathing intarweb poker nubs out there for the fleecing.

(I really just wanted to be able to say 'mouth-breathing intarweb poker nubs'. <3 FTP.)

Also on the to-do list is a minor site redesign. I want to go to a 3 column format - which I have designed, I just need to port over some of the hard coded edits I made way back when before the "new" Blogger. I also need to do some major work on the blogroll. BTW, if I'm missing you, the comments would be a good place to point out how much I suck at teh intranet.

Friday, September 21, 2007

[O/T] Other Gambling Games

I don't bet sports, but if I did, I'd probably take the over (O66) on tomorrow's Minnesota-Purdue game. Speaking of that game, here is one of the more amusing football-related blog articles I've read: STUDY: SCIENTISTS FIND EVIDENCE FOR EXISTENCE OF MINNESOTA SECONDARY.

It's possible that I might play Kat's dollar donkament tonight, if I'm not off doing something else. The local high school football team is state ranked for the first time in a generation but is playing the best team in the state tonight, so I might have to listen. I'd go, but I'm not that crazy about being jammed in with 10,000 friends and others.

In other news, I have an unexpected opportunity to go to Las Vegas in mid-October in addition to going in December for the WPBT event. This trip will be golf-centric, which is good because I have no idea how I would be able to put together enough cash to have fun on TWO trips. I might have to start delivering pizzas on weekends or something just for a little gamblin' money.

Wow is that a depressing thought.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A Life Affirmation

I learned something on the Minneapolis trip that I think I'll share with y'all:

No matter how much your life may suck, it can always be improved by doing two simple things:

1. Go to Culver's
2. Get a [censored] load of Ketchup on a napkin.

Fries are optional.


Speaking of things I forgot to mention ... I warmed up for the trip by playing a 2+2 forum open donkament. At the end of the first hour I really wanted to get some sleep for my early morning flight, but I kept winning my retarded shoves, including this one -- my 5d4d sucked out on AdKd by making a gutshot wheel on the turn.

At the start of the second hour I flopped quad jacks and two hands later had AA hold against QQ. Suddenly I was the chip leader. By a lot. Haven't been in that position in a long time.

So naturally I ended up finishing second.

Monday, September 17, 2007

The Minneapolis Trip, or Visual Evidence of Why I Suck At Blogging

A brief trip report. Because I can.

There will be a handful of photos and before I do anything else, let me say that I'm sorry about the crummy quality. I did think "gee, I should've brought my camera" - unfortunately that thought didn't occur until I was 20,000 feet over Wisconsin. So all you get is cell phone pics.

As long as I'm apologizing for stuff, I'm also guilty of mixing metaphors, changing tenses randomly and the occasional misspelling. Sorry.

Friday: Casinos Are Rigged

I decided to take a different route to Minneapolis/St. Paul this time. I usually drive and when I do fly I've always taken the direct jet flight out of the big airport an hour or so away. Given the price of gas and Northwest's perpetual labor troubles, I decided to take a puddle jumper over to Milwaukee and connect through there. Very nice. I especially liked the announcement of "we're beginning our final descent into Milwaukee" about six minutes after takeoff. Smooth flights. I picked up my piece-o-rental-crap Hyundai and got out of dodge.

I had a couple of stops to make during the day while my pals were working, so I got those out of the way. I had about an hour to kill in the south Metro area, so I paid a courtesy call on the Mystic Lake casino. It's been about ten years since I'd been there - I used to play blackjack every once in a while back in the day - and it's bigger than ever. There were several hundred senior citizens blowing their Social Security checks and not much else was going on. I donated a twenty at a penny slot in record time, downed a comped lemonade (no booze in the casino) and made a run for the head.

In homage to the one and only Dr. Pauly, the last 5 pros I pissed next to at Mystic Lake: Nobody. The can was entirely deserted. Nice facilities, though.

I spent a few minutes at an empty blackjack table chatting with a dealer who told me of his plans to get back into the broadcasting business. It took his entire down for him to mix and spread the sixteen decks of cards (two shoes) and detail his plans. Nice guy, even if he never did deal me a single hand. I eventually got to play a little and had a fun hand - dealt AA. Split. Another A. Split. Another A. Split. Another one. Not only did I not get a single blackjack, the best hand I made was an 18. Yeesh. Fortunately the dealer busted.

After getting out of there and taking care of my remaining business (which didn't amount to much), the rest of the weekend was all gravy.

Did dinner at J.D. Hoyt's, a fine downtown steakhouse. I always enjoy giving directions to Hoyt's - it's conveniently located between Sex World and Deja Vu. Yeah, yeah. Hoyt's was there first. The place was packed, with a large number of well dressed young African Americans in particular. Spotted Gopher basketball coach Tubby Smith make an entrance, but didn't recognize anyone else.

Saturday: How I Lost $24 Before I Even Had Chips

Up at the crack of dawn for breakfast and a trip out to the golf course at The Wilds. I was looking forward to a few hours of it's-not-a-sport entertainment and shooting the breeze with blogger extraordinaire Drizz of Drizztdj fame. I resolved to limit the wheelchair jokes and not even attempt to keep up with a man who drinks Cap'n Cokes like they're nothing but tap water. Both promises would prove impossible to keep.

We met up on the range and had an extra half hour to kill thanks to a frost delay (MINNESOTA, [CENSORED] YEAH). After observing some shots, we managed to come up with an appropriate game - the almighty $2 nassau. I gave Drizz a shot per hole and the game was on.

He promptly made me look like a sucker, blasting his tee shot on the opening hole fifty yards past everyone else - nothing like the shots displayed on the range. Fortunately, there's more to the game and I managed to win the front nine three hours later by three shots.

The endless waiting produced several opportunities to come up with other bets. A straight up wager on the Lions-Vikings game. A wager on closest to the pin on the Par 3s with carryovers. We could have come up with more, but the female half of the couple we were playing with latched onto the subject of internet poker and we spent a fair amount of time discussing that subject. I regret missing the opportunity to try and convince her that Drizz was really Johnny Chan. They were nice folks, though.

We managed to make it though all four Par 3s without either of us hitting the green once. The proximity bet lived on. The 16th hole is a short (285 yard) par 4, and closest to the pin in 2 shots -- on in regulation -- would win. Drizz jacked one into the marsh left, I dumped one in the sand left of the green and blew my next shot over the green. Still going. It came down to the last hole, where I managed to scrape one onto the green and Drizz just missed collecting $5 for scattering a flock of geese sitting next to the water hazard. He still took the back nine by two shots, but fell one short on the overall. I also picked up the closest to the pin bet for a massive win, shown at right.

SCORE! I run good at golf gambling.

After a quick bite we headed over to Canterbury Park for some cards.

Canterbury wasn't terribly busy and we got seats in the $3/$6 limit game right away. We both put in for a table change in order to sit together. I got shipped to a table in the middle of the casino and made it there just in time for my big blind. I gave the chip runner my hundred and waited for a dealer from another table to move so that I could sit down. I got sooted cards, there was lots of action, I flopped a flush draw and [this is foreshadowing] whifffffffffffffed. Next hand, small blind, big sooted cards. Lots of people in. Complete and again flop a flush draw, this time to the nuts. Um, yeah, whiff. I get called for a table change, and then last called, and I still don't have my freaking chips. I get pocket twos on the button and just fold the stupid hand as the girl shows up with my rack. I deposit $24 with the winners and beat a hasty retreat.

Live poker, so rigged.

I take the 10 seat at the new table, Drizz ends up in the 1 seat. There was a very attractive (at least to me, I don't know what Drizz thought, but then again he's married) young mom in the 8s, a middle-aged woman who wouldn't shut up in the 9s and three poker kidzzzzzzz who rode together in the 5, 6 and 7 seats. The 5 seat had obviously never played live before - he shook like a leaf when he had a hand. To his credit, he was pretty tight. The 7s loved to try and take pots away by value betting the river. I managed to get him to fold once when I had 10 high by raising just because it was obvious that he couldn't call me.

I also had one of my more enjoyable moments in live poker. Not long after we sat down, the rest of the table had figured out that Drizz and I knew each other (we were not trying to hide that fact). Someone had made a comment about his winning a hand, and I advised the table that he was a well known aggro-LAG who plays any two cards. As I was all but calling him a donkey (in good fun, of course), I had the button and raised with 85s. That scared everyone - OMG he's a rock! - and only one player called. I scooped up a couple limps as well when the nit in the 3s folded to my continuation bet on the ace high flop, none of my suit. I'm not too proud to say that I was proud of the setup - I'm not Jordan and do not often use da mouf.

Yay live poker.

Oh, other than that, I got pounded. Outdrawn time and time again. Flopped straight went down to rivered quads. Sets and two pairs were crushered by rivered straights. The nit flopped a boat on me when he called a raise preflop with Q7s. Drizz managed to vacuum up some chips by making quads and a nut full house, so he did okay. I just spewed.

At least it was fun.

The woman in the 8 seat told us that her husband was off on a golf trip and that she and her kids were staying with her mother - she'd finally had enough and told her mom she needed to get some rest. So of course she came to Canterbury instead. We had a good time trying to decide what she should tell her mom that would buy her a couple more hours.

Finally called it a night at a pretty early hour and headed back to crash. All in all, a very enjoyable (if expensive) day. I think I should quit poker and become a professional microstakes golf hustler.

Sunday: On A Serious Note

I really didn't have much on anything planned for Sunday, so I just hung out for a while and then visited some favorite spots. It was an absolutely beautiful morning and there were tons of people walking and biking. I ended up downtown and decided to take in the I-35W bridge. I was not alone - there were several hundred people viewing the site from the 10th Avenue Bridge. Some carried flowers, some carried children, most carried cameras.

Television is a wonder, but it really doesn't convey size and distance very well. To fully appreciate the distance that this bridge fell you really have to see it live. It is a true miracle that more people were not killed, much as it is a tragedy that any had to die.

I made it down to the airport, dumped off my car and spent the afternoon getting home. It was a nice weekend trip and it made me all the more eager for Las Vegas in December. Vacations are great, but when you can add in good friends and silly card games, it's just that much better.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Cowboy Down

Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts

Time for a day or two of vacation. I'm packed and loaded (with a puny bankroll) for a little golf and poker. Going to attempt to hang with Drizz. No wheelchairs are expected to be necessary, but you never know.

See you in a few.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

[O/T] These Things I Know

Time to purge the brain of some entirely random thoughts:

* If you get a piece of mail that includes the sentence "[t]his is not a pyramid scheme, it is a legitimate money-making opportunity" ... it's a pyramid scheme.

* Any time a product is "new and improved" ... it's really the same old junk only more expensive.

* When a company is well known for their customer service ... they have a really crappy product.

* The least creative people on the planet are the people that send spam (or scam) emails. Once someone comes up with an angle, everyone else copies it. Last month, I received hundreds of "customer service notifications" from dozens of banks all across the country, asking me to verify my non-existent account. This month, it's subject line variations on "I just started having sex and my boyfriend's [censored] keeps slipping out".

* I really don't need to receive any more pictures of dogs humping Michael Vick. Thanks, I get it. Payback is a non-neutered female dog in season.

* If you're sitting at an online poker table and have a player sit in, steal your blind and then leave immediately ... you've been Grimmstarred. Thanks to Royal for pointing out that Full Tilt banned the acne-riddled 2+2 legend from cash games for a week for doing this.

* The U.S. Army used to run a recruiting ad with the slogan "we do more before 9:00 a.m. than most people do all day" ... I on the other hand accomplish less all day than most people do before 9:00 a.m.

Except now I have helped fill up the interweb with more drivel.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Just Checking In

Nothing much happening in these parts. Some nice fall weather has resulted in a lot of bad golf. There has been some viewing of wretched Big 10 football. Very little pokering.

The countdown is definitely on for December in Las Vegas. Still plenty of time to upgrade the drinking and sleep deprivation regimens, though.

The NFL season kicks off today. I'm signed up for a blogger game at Fantasy Sports Live, where I'm sure my complete sucktitude at all things fantasy football will continue. My regular league (13 seasons, no titles) held a draft yesterday and as is typical I have no depth. I can't believe that I'm actually going to have to root for that d-bag Terrell Owens to boot. Sigh.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Blame The Hour

Is it September already? Wow.

Our friends over at Full Tilt Poker have a little promotion running this week:

Every day from September 1st through September 7th, earn a minimum of seven Full Tilt Points playing in any of our ring games, Sit & Gos, or Multi-Table Tournaments. Once you've earned your points, you'll be entered into a daily drawing where 77 lucky players will win $77 in cold, hard cash.

In addition to the cash prizes, we'll be giving one player a grand prize from our Full Tilt Poker Store each day. Grand prizes range from iPods to a custom Full Tilt Poker jersey, so this is the perfect time to press your luck.

To participate in this giveaway, starting September 1st all you have to do is click on the "My Promotions" button in the game Cashier. From there, register by clicking on the "Lucky 7s" link. You will need to register each day in order to be eligible to win the free cash and prizes.

How hard is it to earn 7 Full Tilt Points? Um, not very. Even if you suck at poker like I do it shouldn't require too much donating to qualify. Just remember to "opt in" each day before you go and get your points.

End of lucid, relevant content.


It was a beautiful weekend here. I really didn't do much of anything other than hit the links for some bad golf. Played a few hands yesterday to do the FTP promo and dumped a few BBs playing limit when I couldn't convince a donk to release his jackace.


Thanks to work my internal clock is kinda off right now. I thought about posting bright and early on Saturday morning, but that post would have just been a compilation of all of the brilliant insights I'd had since I woke up at 3:15. Oh what the heck, here are a few. They're pretty stupid:
1. Wow it's dark.

2. One of the things I've learned this morning is that my carpet rolls surprisingly well. I may have to dig out one of those electric ball returners -- I can practice putting without leaving the house. Maybe I should get a windmill and a clown's mouth for the living room.

3. Has anyone ever independently studied what an optimal tax rate would be if the U.S. gov't would ever decide that they should legalize and tax online gaming, particularly poker? I guess I define 'optimal' in this case as a rate which raises maximum revenue -- if it's too high, the games dry up and the gov't gets less money. If it's too low, they don't get "enough" (which would of course be okay with me, but really when does that ever happen?).

{I have a long post in my head about how the government could implement taxation of online poker, but I'll probably never get around to writing it up.}

4. That 'early bird gets the worm' crap is overrated. Mornings are for sleep.

5. My bloglines subscriptions are really messed up. I see some posts dozens of times, while other sites don't seem to update at all. I should really do one of two things - either straighten them all out or switch to some other reader.

6. I'd estimate that I've saved about 244 hours over the last couple years by not having cable and therefore not watching poker on TV. I'd also estimate that I've wasted 550 more hours online, resulting in a net increase in time wasted.

7. I feel bad for people laboring on Labor Day. It's a holiday for white collar and more organized blue collar types, but the folks who populate the basic service industries - your restaurants, gas stations, hospitals etc. - still have to work.

8. Only three more months until Las Vegas.

9. It's only a matter of time until someone punches Daniel Negreanu.

10. This is the best bacon egg and cheese biscuit I've ever had from McDonald's.

You were warned.


I'm looking forward to this being a short week. Lots of work to do, followed by a golf tournament this weekend. The following weekend I'm off to the land of 10,000,000,000 mosquitoes.

I probably won't be hitting up any of the tournaments this week, so good luck to all of y'all who will be hitting the Bodog blogger event, the Mookie and whatever else pops up.