1. I was tired.
2. I misread the board.
3. I was drunk.
4. This really great song just came on my iPod, see, and ...
5. I can't dodge bullets, baby.
6. I'm not a lucky person.
7. It's a medical issue.
8. If life is like a box of chocolates, I get the really crappy ones.
9. I'm not wearing my special poker outfit.
10. I forgot my sunglasses.
11. It's not 5 o'clock yet.
12. Aliens have taken over my brain.
13. It might be food poisoning.
14. I thought a straight beats a flush. You mean it doesn't?
15. My girlfriend forgot to rub my head for luck.
16. They weren't soooted.
17. I thought the green chips were worth $1.
18. It's all Phil Hellmuth's fault.
19. He only had 17 outs twice, that's not that many.
20. I don't usually play that hand.
21. I did it all for the Mookie.
22. That was a really crappy structure.
23. Too many donkeys.
24. The dealer didn't like me.
25. The lighting was bad.
26. My computer is allergic to poker software.
27. My glasses were dirty.
28. I was distracted by Brandi Hawbaker's insanity.
29. Lost my internet connection.
30. It was mimosa-tilt.
31. I didn't think he had the 9. He didn't. It was still better than what I had.
32. Karma is a bee-yotch.
33. I'm usually much better than this.
34. Playing low cards works for Gus Hansen, so I thought it would work for me.
35. I forgot to fold.
36. A guy I know told me to always slowplay aces.
37. Cramp!
38. I was too busy reading Daddy's latest post about using bacon as an aphrodisiac.
39. It's not my year.
40. Sorry, what was the question again? I am not smrt.
41. They weren't using KEM cards.
42. I was only playing for the points, the money doesn't mean anything to me.
43. I thought it was hi/lo and my 6 low was good for half the pot.
44. They didn't call me on my string bet, so my chips ended up in the pot.
45. I keep falling asleep when I read poker strategy books.
46. Playing in this time zone always gives me problems.
47. I thought I had a read. Too bad she was French.
48. Folding is ghey.
49. I could never get an ace when I needed one.
50. Value betting is when you push all your money in on a bluff, right?
51. Carpal tunnel.
52. I knew that I could blog about it if I lost.
53. I thought from his screen name that he'd fold to my bet.
54. Ooh, bathroom break.
55. How could I know that he'd have aces?
56. I was dehydrated.
57. Stacking that guy was my only goal for the session.
58. Hey, is that the Goodrich blimp?!
59. Seriously, I misclicked.
60. I was just trying to get even for the session.
61. I had the sixth nuts!
62. Big pot poker is my game, I just lose most of them.
63. They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no no.
64. The massage girl wasn't working tonight.
65. My fortune cookie at dinner said 'you go on journey happy fun long time' and I was sure it meant I'd be winning a WSOP satellite.
66. I was just chasing this fish, see ...
67. I accidentally checked auto-fold.
68. My K key is stuck.
69. I was eating pretzels and one got stuck.
70. I haven't hit a flush draw since the Reagan administration.
71. Because Bob Respert just typed "i hate you" in the chat box and it tilted me.
72. I folded the hammer every time I had it.
73. I figured that any game Paris Hilton could master, I could master.
74. He could have staked me instead of stacking me.
75. I read somewhere that JJ was OK.
76. My chips stuck together.
77. I can never beat Russians. Especially white Russians.
78. It was a temporary case of 'awwfukkit-itis'.
79. I was really just playing for funsies.
80. I could have re-bought, but I wanted to save my money for a case of Turtle Wax.
81. My comeback is just on hiatus.
82. Seriously, what's with those guys with '420' in their screen names.
83. My eyes don't let me read opponents correctly.
84. They didn't have Shiner Bock anyway.
85. I saw that suckout coming, but I still called.
86. Apparently they frown on people sleeping at the tables. Who knew?
87. If they'd only let me call a round of 'Magic: The Gathering', I would've gotten even.
88. The awesome power of King Five was apparently on vacation today.
89. I'm still recovering from FPS.
90. They must've had a hole card cam and saw what I had.
91. My mouse is left-handed or broken or something.
92. I thought we were going to go play Pai-Gow.
93. These stakes are meaningless.
94. It seems that 47 consecutive "F-bombs" really will get you thrown out.
95. Nobody really understands my game.
96. I only had 25 times the big blind, so I was in push-or-fold mode.
97. That was just a warm up for the real poker to be played later.
98. I'm waiting for my Viagra to kick in.
99. I always 3-bet Ace Queen.
100. Well, it worked last time.

and ...

101. It's rigged. So [censored] rigged.