The post is rated at least PG-13, and probably R, for repeated dropping of F-bombs and such. If you are offended by such things, please click on over to Yahoo! or something similarly inoffensive. It also has no poker content.
I'm a mainly mild-mannered person. I have low blood pressure. I haven't beaten the crap out of anybody in approximately forever. I'd rather avoid an argument if at all possible. Most of life's little annoyances -- old people with 37 items in the express lane at the grocery store, jackasses in giant SUVs that tailgate you at 15 over the speed limit, Carrot Top -- don't really concern me all that much. I rarely get too excited and pretty much NEVER confront anybody over their moronic behavior, no matter how egregious.
I came very, very close last night.
The cause? I FUCKING hate people that need to run their FUCKING mouths during concerts.
Let's break this down. I paid $25.00 for my ticket, plus enough Ticketmaster surcharges to keep the lights on at Evil Empire World HQ for at least 12 minutes. I'm here for a reason, to hear the show. I'm presuming you paid the same amount, and that you at least don't hate the performer. I get exactly zero enjoyment from hearing what you have to say. Shut up already.
And WHY THE FUCK can't you turn off your FUCKING cell phone during the show? I will concede that at least you turned off the ringer, but that's little consolation when you decide to answer a call in the middle of an acoustic number and yap with someone about your plans for later. Send it to FUCKING VOICE MAIL. It's not like the bars in Chicago close until 4 AM, so you'll have plenty of time to make a connection, get loaded and fuck the Billie Joe lookalike of your choice until the sun comes up. Make the call LATER, bitch.
And you all, over there. If your goal for the evening was to drink and talk, LOUDLY, to your friends, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EFFECTIVELY PAY A $25.00 COVER? There are sixty-four bars within ten blocks. Probably half of them have bands playing, so why not save yourself a bunch of money, since you can ignore the band just as effectively, while still accomplishing your apparent goal of being a complete tool, getting kicked in the junk by security and hopefully thrown out on your ass. Oh, I'm sorry, that would imply that you have a brain, which your behavior clearly indicates that you do not. ASSHOLES. All of you.
Last night was the second time I've been to a show at the Vic Theatre. It was the same thing both times. I've been to dozens of shows in dozens of venues in a variety of cities and have NEVER had anything close to this level of annoyance.
There are plenty of concert jackasses that don't bother me. I don't mind the people who are waaaay too into the music. I can tolerate a certain level of audience participation in the form of singing along. I get at most mildly annoyed by people who are overly enthusiastic about stuff (Artist: "my musical influences include Gram Parsons" Nutjob in Audience: "Gram! WOO!" Artist: "... Lucinda Williams" Nutjob: "LUCINDA! WOO! WOO! YEAAAAH!") and the members of the "PLAY FREEBIRD!" set who shout out requests constantly. Lord knows there wasn't a shortage of any of these people last night. Hey, dumbasses, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. You suck, but I can deal.
And yet, there I was, close to going over the edge and sucker-punching the nearest perp. Nobody, but nobody, pushes my buttons like people who won't SHUT UP during the damned performance. IDIOTS.
Okay, rant over.
As you've probably inferred, I drove down to Chicago last night to see my favorite wayward angel, Kasey Chambers,
who graciously included Chicago as one of two U.S. stops on her way to Europe for a brief tour. Aside from the chattering fucktards, it was a very good show, which included several songs which haven't found their way onto the playlist at previous shows. The list:
1. Like a River
2. Not Pretty Enough
3. Last Hard Bible
4. Nullarbor Song
5. Cry like a Baby
6. A Little Bit Lonesome
7. These Pines
10. A Million Tears (w/ Matthew Ryan)
11. Lost & Found
12. The Captain (Solo acoustic)
13. Do Re Mi (w/ Bill Chambers) (Woody Guthrie song)
14. Cow Cow Boogie (Song from the 1930s)
16. Barricades & Brickwalls
17. Water in the Fuel (w/ Bill & Nash Chambers) (Fred Eaglesmith song)
18. We're All Gonna Die Someday
19. Changed the Locks (Lucinda Williams song)
It was all over far too soon and I got to drive home through a blizzard. It looks like the August tour is going to be of mainly outdoor shows, so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for better weather and for "nearby" venues other than the FUCKING Vic Theatre.